thoughts on motherhood: part one

levi eyes

let me start by stating: mothers rule.

before becoming a mother {just a little under a month ago}, i had no idea about the amount of anxiety i would experience about every. little. thing. i’ve spent more time googling things these past few weeks than i have in the past year. nipple confusion? acid reflux? baby poop colors, textures, and frequency? baby hiccups? baby lip quiver? when to introduce a bottle to a newborn? i’m not being dramatic. on top of the googling, i’ve been reading various philosophies about sleep training newborns and babies. phew.

i found myself worrying about whether or not L would have nipple confusion if we introduced a pacifier. or when we introduce the bottle, if he will like the bottle more than the breast. it all came to a head at about three weeks postpartum. i was sleep-deprived and emotionally exhausted. not only was i adjusting to this new life with our little guy, but i was spending my *spare* energy worrying about things that may or may not ever happen. in reality, L is on the fence about the pacifier, we still haven’t introduced the bottle, baby hiccups are common, and his poop is normal. after an epic meltdown, i felt a weight lifted from my soul – and each day since then has been better.

L eats like a champ and latched on just after he was born, and has been consistent with eating ever since. but since i’m the only one able to feed him, means that he’s attached to one of my boobies every 1-3 hours, 24 hours / day. i find myself in this strange state of exhilaration and exhaustion. i do think it’s a incredible that my giant boobies have finally been put to work {and man, are they a workin’}.  i love the little grunts he makes when he eats, the way his little hand finds a place to rest hooked around my shirt, and the face he makes just after a marathon feed {i call it “milk face”}. i’m so grateful to have this experience and to bond with my little boy in this way. is it work? yes. but to me, it’s worth the sometimes sore nipples and multiple sleep interruptions.

as far as the anxiety goes about doing everything “right” … one of the best things i’ve read so far from the baby books? “do what feels natural”. i feed L when he shows signs of hunger, without concern for whether or not it’s been an hour or three since his last feed. when he’s restless in his bassinet, i cuddle him in bed until he calms down and sleeps. i’m not interested in debating the hot topics {breastfeeding on demand, co-sleeping, etc.}. i’m learning to trust my instincts. i’m learning what L responds to and what he needs to feel loved and secure. after all, isn’t that what it’s all about?

xoxo,

a new momma

i know that breastfeeding is a hot button to press in the motherhood world. i would like to say that my own process has led me to have no judgement for those who have not enjoyed or been able to breastfeed. i am simply sharing my opinion about this topic — my first and only experience with it.

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4 thoughts on “thoughts on motherhood: part one

  1. You’re doing great! I just posted about breastfeeding yesterday (on my new blog) – check it out (http://snappingmama.wordpress.com/2013/03/28/boobie-monster/). I was worried about all the same things as you in the beginning. Of course, my little guy had some problems latching. In the end, we’d introduced the bottle AND the pacifier BEFORE he even started to latch on and he’s doing AMAZING now (just a little encouragement for ya). I’m a new mom too. We’re bound to worry about the little things just continue to trust your instincts and do what YOU feel is good for you and your little one and all will go great! Congrats :)

  2. I knew you’d be an awesome MOMMY! The time, in retrospect, goes by so quickly–ENJOY–your awesome gift from your Father!! Love ya

  3. Loved this post…it’s interesting that even on the third one I still get anxious about similar things…especially since this is the first out of the three to have a bottle and I cried about it for a couple of days to realize that he is just fine!

    I have spent years judging other mom’s and dad’s about what they do and don’t do, the whole time thinking, “when I’m a mom I will do it better”. I have since had to go back and make lots of apologies as the Lord has used moments of “oh, so you think you can do handle that better…well then, bam…here’s your chance” to teach me that I really am just the same as everyone else. My new philosophy is, “great! if it works for your 6 year-old to sleep on the kitchen floor naked with a pacifier…I’m so glad you found something that works for your family!” Just do what works for you and your family! Sounds like you came to that conclusion a lot easier and earlier than me!

  4. LOVE this! It is so hard to trust your instincts, but when you learn to do that you will be so much more relaxed. The truth is you probably can not look at any one of your co-workers/friends/neighbors, etc. and tell whether they were bottle-fed or breastfed (pumped milk or straight from the source?), sleep trained or not, shared a bed with mom and dad or slept in their own room from day one, took a pacifier or sucked on their thumb, or any other number of issues that we new moms think are so important. You have to do what is best for you and your baby. No one else. And what works for you now may not work in a month so you have to continue to be flexible. This is a lesson that I am continuing to learn, but I know that when I trust my instinct I just feel a lot less stressed and I enjoy my time with my boys so much better. Well done, Pilar!

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